Dear God I believe in you !

Dear God,
I remember fighting with a 25 year old when I was 12 because he did not believe in you. I could not believe that there exists a person who doesn't believe in you. I mean you have been my best friend always and you've listened to me when I could not say it to anyone else. As and when I grew up my problems shifted from the girl in class who had a better pencil box than me to the girl in office who got a promotion before me because she belonged to a renowned wealthy family. I remember how happy I was when that girl lost her pencil box the very next day but nothing has happened to this girl in office. You are beyond the limits of my understanding.
We, humans are never happy because we want more and more from you.Though I totally believe in ''whatever you do is for a cause'' theory but sometimes the cause and effect relationship is a little difficult for a stupid girl like me to understand. Please don't complicate things this much. I tend to misjudge your decision, I may also start questioning your existence.
At every stage of life I have been unsatisfied. When I was a kid I always wanted to grow up quickly because I thought elders enjoy a better and independent life but now that I'v grown up I've realized crying over a broken toy or a lost pencil was any time better than crying over a broken trust or a lost relationship. The punishments of being banned from going out to play or doing extra 20 questions in maths were far more easier than being ditched or dumped or left alone in a room with no one to talk but yourself.
Anyways, sometimes I feel the more I trust you, the more you test me. Don't you know I hate tests, I am afraid of under performance, what scares me is the thought of being left out. But no doubt I still trust you because right from when I was a child, the solution of my every itty-bitty problem came by standing in front of you with folded hands and closed eyes and praying "Please Bhagvaan Ji help me". Though sometimes you did disappoint me but the faith in you is one thing that never sets down for me.
You created me and then you created people better than me and quite often I find myself in the blind race of trying to become better and perfect. You gave me a mind but then you gave me a heart which was supposed to be a part of the circulatory system of my body but at times it overtakes every system of my body and screw things up. I don't understand why can't it mind its own business.
Still for most of the times I am optimistic because I believe that since I am your kid it is your responsibility to guide me through everything and help me stay happy. Sooner or later you'v always yielded answers to my problems and you will be glad to know that I've even discovered the reason for the delay that happens sometimes - There are millions and billions of people wanting to communicate with you all the time, it must be difficult for you to attend to so many prayers at the same time. Hence, I can blame all my unheeded troubles, confusing situations, unanswered prayers, unexpected failures, unending tribulations to the population explosion and go to sleep.

Yours lovingly,
one of your creations 

Image credits : https://www.facebook.com/puneet.vivid

Living in a world where you don't know who to trust !

Its not love we've lost faith in, its people that we are unable to trust ! In today's world the biggest risk lies in taking chance with a person, to let them have a part of us and believe that they'll take care of it ; But imagine walking to their door one day and finding that part lying among the refuse of the last day household garbage, it will be soon thrown away ! You regret the trust ! Remember the last evening when you stepped out of that door, exulted and full of joy, you thought every particle of the universe is doing its bit to keep up your smile and see today everything got reduced to the garbage pile! You pick it up...what do you do now?

What most of the times we do is we knocking up at that door once more, stepping in again hoping that the second chance may work ! We talk over it and soon we make up our mind to hand over the part again, fingers crossed ! Little do we realize that life isn't a fairy tale or a Bollywood movie !

Most of the torments in our life can be blamed upon the fact that we are hopelessly hopeful at times, hope is such a mysterious thing., it makes us do things that we know wont work up ; Everything doesn't deserve a second chance but the tough part is knowing what those things are ! Sometimes you have to give up on people not because you don't care but because they don't ! What takes to put an end is a thing as tiny as a full-stop ! After all the punctuations that have been tried here you go.

~~ खता तेरी समझा के तुझको खता हमने बार बार की
लम्हों की सिलवटों में चुप छुपा कर ख्वाहिशें हज़ार की
कल तक तो दुनिया के शोर में भी आवाज तुम्हारी थी यहीं 
और आज हवा की सरसराहट में ही पुकार हमारी खो गयी 
हाथ पकड़ कर वापस खींच लेते आज एक बार फिर से
पर उस साथ से बेहतर अब हमे तन्हाईयाँ स्वीकार थी~~

Hindi ki baat hi kuch aur hai !

For me 'lyrics' has always been the soul of any song. A song with bad lyrics is a waste however good the music may be. This love towards words and expression through them was fertilized when I met a great writer cum poet cum director Saurabh Pandey sir in my college. Listening and understanding to all that he wrote was something that gave me a potency to try and write in Hindi.I believe in what a famous Boyzone song says "Words and words are all I have to take your heart away".
What I am posting today is however a small poetic fray that happened while we were just texting one day. Obviously I was a fool to even try to match up to his level but then I just tried. This is what was the outcome :

Saurabh sir-
Is hansi ko khushi ki inaayat na samjho
muskuraate hain hum gam chupane ke liye
Mere jeene ka koi maqsad nahi hai
bas zinda hain khud ko bhulaane ke liye

Me-
Aane do ujaale ko har suraakh se bheetar
aisa na ho andhere me rehne ek adat ban jaaye
Bina maskad ki zindagi jise kehte ho tum
kya pta kisi ki zindagi ka maqsad ban jaaye

Saurabh sir-
Dar andhero se nahi ujaalo se lagta hai
kyunki ujaalo me taare gumnaam hote hain
maqsad kya dega koi jine ke khaatir
har rishte zamane me ek din badnaam hote hain

Me-
Saari raat laakho taare rehte hain falak par
par ek sooraj ke aane se hi subah hoti hai
Badnaam hone ka darr kahan raha hai hume
Bheed me ek chehra dhundh lene ki chahat bevajah hoti hai

Saurabh sir-
Bewajah bheed me dhundhte ho chehra
shayad khud ki nigaho pe aitbaar nahi hai
aakhir kyun talash hai subah ki tumhe
jabki mehtaab sa aaftab me khumaar nahi hai

Me-
Agar aaina dekh ke gumaan karne ko jeena kehte
toh kyun kisi ki aankhon me padhne pe aitbaar hota
agar itni hi khoobsurat aur poori har raat hoti
toh kyun har phool ko khilne ke liye subah ka intezaar hota

Well this went nowhere and we just ended.

#PS : this post is dedicated to saurabh sir !! :)

That girl in the mirror !

Just a few minutes were left. Any moment she would be called downstairs. For the first time after quite a long period she looked into the mirror and was startled at what she saw. She took a step away, she could not find herself, there was a girl dressed up in a color she didn't like, she looked at it, that girl in the mirror, her empty eyes were outlined with a lot of kohl, a plenty of strained lines on her forehead were ruling out the beautiful hairstyle that was made, the makeup that had been put on so well failed to hide the scars of past from her face.

There was a picture of her from the college days on the side table, a complete contrast to that ill looking girl in the mirror. She was a girl full of life just like any other girl of her age. Shopping, outings and parties with friends were her life. Born and brought up in a well off family and being the only girl, she never had seen any misery of life. All before that one night when the world around her changed. She was looking very pretty that night. A guy in the party asked her to dance with him. She looked with disgust at the shabbily dressed and drunk man and refused. Soon it was getting late and she left for home. 
It was raining heavily and she was driving her way back to home. She thought that she should call her mother and inform that she is fine and may get late due to the heavy rain. "My mom worries a lot. She wouldn't even eat till I come back home" she thought to herself, blaring the horn of car at a stupid car driver who had stopped abruptly in front of her car when she slowed down to make the call. Suddenly a person with a black umbrella knocked on her car window.She was scared and did not open her window. Instead she started moving the car in back direction only to realize that her way had been blocked by another car from behind.
Terrified by the happenings she searched for her cell to call her dad but suddenly there was a huge crash on her windshield, a few glass pieces pricked into her eyes and face and before she could realize anything more there were a few hands running all over her body. She could have cried out for help but something was choking her throat. She tried to get hold of herself and run out of her car but every attempt she made proved futile. She started crying but they were just tears. Her voice seemed to have refused to come out. With all the little left over energy she again tried to push them away but those animals were much stronger and she gave up. Her eyes had started shutting, she thought her end was near and was waiting for it but she was wrong. Those monsters did even worse.They left her alive.

Today after six years from that incidence she looked into the mirror to see a girl she did not recognize. She realized that those thirty minutes were not the most shady minutes of her life.That night was not the darkest night of her life. It had darkened every coming day of her life. Dark and darker each day.The darling daughter had become a sorrow for parents. Her eyes had looked into many eyes, some had sympathy,some had anger, some were filled with disgust for those criminals and some had hatred for the girl, there was pain, there was agony but what she did not could find anywhere was "Love".
She looked down from the balcony. A man in his late forties, dressed up well was being welcomed into her house. There were a few other people along with him. There was a knock on the door, she heard her mother calling her name. She turned away from the picture on the table and walked towards to the door.

We are all trapped in a Bubble !

Human mind is the most capricious thing. It thinks but decides as per the brooding of surroundings. Many times we've not let ourselves be what we actually want to be. There are hundreds of things that we think before doing something and this is when we start taking steps away from what was actually desired.

Our desires are pleasant to our soul but we act to please the world! Don’t you feel that you've always restricted your mind to fly...fly away to a world of unknown happiness. We are all trapped in a bubble of 'WHAT IFs' and 'MAYBEs' and the minute droplets of all the questions and their probable answers keep us from the air of blessedness around. Aren't we blessed enough with a mind that can take decisions for us? But why does all we decide involve the contemplation of people around. For once try to prick the bubble and do something that you've always wanted not what the people have made you do and then the “I” in you will be at peace! And now let me leave you with a lines by Kishor Kumar Ji.

-

~~ कुछ‌ रीत जग की ऐसी है... हर सुबह की यहा शाम हुई
तू कौन है तॆरा क्या नाम है…. सीता भी यहा बदनाम‌ हुई
फिर क्यू सन्सार की बातॊ सॆ.. भीग गयॆ तॆरॆ नैना
कुछ तॊ लॊग कहॆगॆ लॊगॊ का काम है कॆह्ना ~~

Curtained !!

You say that girl speaks a lot..
maybe you could never see the thousands of unspoken feelings hidden in her eyes !
You wonder why does she laugh so much..
maybe you missed out on listening to the cries of pain that are still inside her !!
You see her mingling with everyone..
but you never saw how alone she feels at times,so deprived of someone who'll never let her go !!
You think how easy going her life is..
you've never faced the hardships she has to bear now and then !!
You question her versatility..
but you cannot answer the questions boggling her mind all the time !!
She fell down many times expecting a hand that would help her stand up again..
and she has carried the burden of unfulfilled expectations !!!
She has been hurt .. she has cried a lot..
but you'll never actually understand because she has learned how to curtain it from the world.

~~ काश कि उसकी आँखों में छुपा दर्द  तुम पढ़ पाते
वो बता कर भी क्या करे तुम सुनते तो हो पर सुन पाते ~~ 

Say sorry to your heart !!

Its time you should realize that things that are not fitting into your fist are bound to be abdicated now. Its foolish to bruise your fingers by clinging on to its hold. Let go. Your hands were meant to help you realize your dreams, those dreams that are there, sulking beneath your pillow every night. Look out for them, see if they still are trying to breathe. Give them some air. Examine the pain you've caused to yourself, i know someone has pricked you up a lot but if they are not sorry to you be sorry to yourself. Say sorry to your heart, see the innumerable pains you've given to the little pumping machine inside your body.
Its alright if you wish to cry now. The body has its mechanism of flushing out the waste when it starts causing trouble to your living. If you hate them, they still exist. Cry once and wipe them off. They don't deserve anymore of it. At the end of the day you have to sleep back on that very pillow and wait for the new morning to come.

~~ हर सवेरे को मालूम नहीं होती अपने होने की वजह
पर हर रोज़ की बेवजह अँधेरे पर फ़तेह कर लेता है ~~